I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
