Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry my hands just texted you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
