dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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