at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i need some magic done to my vagina
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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