Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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