i jhust puked up my retainher.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
