Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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