So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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