I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
