I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
