no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize