Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
