i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
