Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
