my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
