Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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