I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
