And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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