So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
