My sheets look like a crime scene.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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