Betty ford says i'm here all night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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