He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
