My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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