I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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