i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
