Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
