So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
