you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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