He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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