I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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