Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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