when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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