i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
