im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
