"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
