If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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