Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
