this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
