We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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