I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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