i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We are two peas in an std pod
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
