I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
