Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
