The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
