btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
