Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
