I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
