i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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