he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
