She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
