yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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