I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
