Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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