Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
