Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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