Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is the high leading the old right now
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
