after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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