cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
