Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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