i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
