when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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