normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i think i just lost a toe
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
