so that wasnt chicken after all
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
