Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
