Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
