6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
