I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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