Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
